The Price of Everything

"You are not going to make it."
"Yes, I am!"
"No, you are not."
"Yes, I am!"

That was the "ever-encouraging" husband telling me to give up hopes of losing my undesired pudgy tummy. Undaunted by his realism, I held up my bottle of freshly made apple and cinnamon drink, making another resolute stand. 

The bottle slipped through my fingers.

"Argh! Hubby, get me a rag. The bottle has cracked."

"See, I told you, even your bottle is saying you won't make it!"

What an omen!

That happened more than a week ago. Few days later, while waiting for my Mama who was undergoing a minor day surgery, I checked out some water bottles for sale at a store in the hospital. They came in nice slender designs that would fit in the cup holder in the car. Just nice, I thought. I looked at the price tag, "$8.90", hmm, is that a tad pricey? Well, perhaps, being the only store in the entire hospital that sells water bottles, it can exercise a bit of monopoly? 

Looking at my watch, I realised I still had to while away some time, so I browsed around the store. There were pricey stationery for children and lots of Chinese recipe books, targetting at various health problems. A lady patron was studying intently at one of those books, while clutching to another pile she had selected. I'm sure those books would sell well, after all, it's in a hospital. I myself had picked up a book on recipes for diabetics patients at another hospital. And yes, I bought it, read it and never applied it. 

Then, I caught sight of this interesting book cover, with a frog as an illustration. No, it's not "The Frog Prince". It's "The Book of Everything". Not thick, but hardcover. I read the blurb, the first few lines and I knew I had to get it. I turned it over, it's only $7.90. Hey, that's cheaper than a water bottle! Wow, reading "everything" was going to be cheaper than a water bottle.

I gleefully took the book to the cashier. 

That day, I left the store with "Everything", except the water bottle. 

Additional Note: "The Book of Everything" by Guus Kuijer is a worthwhile read, I would have posted a picture of the book cover, but because Google has disapproved my Adsense account without telling me the exact reasons, I decided not to post the picture of the book, in case their Google specialists think I'm trying to put up my own advertisements. I'm really not an Amazon wannabe... :'(

A Beautiful Body

The orderly was apparently in a hurry. 

She couldn't wait for us to pay attention before she rattled off her instructions on how to wear the hospital's gowns. 

My 74 year-old mother was trying hard to remove her ring as the orderly had instructed when the orderly gave a short "demonstration" on how to put on the gowns. It didn't help at all that the orderly was speaking in English, an alien language to Mama. I should have listened carefully but I was busy keeping her valuables. 

The orderly should take a leaf from the airline stewardesses who would come onto the mini TV screens and demonstrate life jacket procedures before take-off. She could learn to smile like them too.

Since we were such poor students, we had to figure out ourselves how to wear the two pieces of robes, one maroon and one white. Mama was in the hospital for a minor day surgery and I was on chaperon duty. I obviously would have failed as a fashion stylist, for after two tries, we finally called a nurse for help. Thank God, we had a nice nurse, one with a smile more sincere than many air stewardesses I've seen.

Yet, I am thankful to the orderly, because of her, I'd a peek of Mama's body. Her fair skin has pretty much all sagged and at some parts, there are folds despite her rather petite frame. She has shrunk, I remembered her as taller. Standing on my two-inch heels, it appeared as if I am the one in control of things while Mama retires in her twilight years.

Truth is, my Mama has never ceased her maternal duties to any of her four children. I wish my Mama can have an easy life or at least a life much easier than what she has now. Life is forever throwing her lemons.

To say her life is fraught with challenges and difficulties is an understatement. Her gentle demeanor and cheerful disposition belie the torments and cruelties that she had faced and still faces. She battles each day with optimism and love. A close friend whom I've once confided in, was so shocked by the misfortunes that came her way and yet amazed at how well she had survived. He marveled, "Your mother is a living saint!"

Yes, she is. She is not a Christian, but she is the perfect embodiment of Christian love. I've never known another person who is so self-sacrificing even at this advanced age. Her heart doesn't seem to know hatred and resentment, for despite all the sufferings, it not only didn't harden, but even has room for love and compassion. Mama not only forgives the people who do her wrong, she even continues to sacrifice for them and care for them.

So, if it is not God, since she does not know Him, what is it then that keeps her going?

She told me the answer a few days ago, it is the love for her children that keeps her going and even at this ripe old age of 74, all that matters to her is her children. 

At forty years of age, I'm still my Mama's girl and I always will be. 

The day surgery left five stitches on Mama's arm. 
What had the hardships, hurts and pains left on her heart?
I came from this woman, the most beautiful woman on earth. 
As long as I live, she will always be the most beautiful woman to me.

Loving the BusyBody

Nobody likes a busybody. A busybody is annoying, often creates unnecessary work for you and usually takes up some of your time.

Yes, nobody likes a busybody. Unless, that busybody is yourself, or rather, that busy body is yours.

With the passing of youth, everything starts to sag. From the eyelids to the knee caps, the skin seems to have grown weary. If the skin can talk, it would probably boast of the time when it was delicate, soft and smooth, and lament on how harsh time has been to it.

The flesh and muscles too have their own stories of past glories, and how their fortunes have changed from being firm and toned to being flabby and soft.

Once, when the body moved, it simply moved as a body. Now, when the body moves, some parts would jiggle and shake. In some cases, when the legs walk a little faster, the butt cheeks might even flap a little. 

The body has become a busy body. And it is yours to love, if you have one.

I've never been very good at taking care of my own body, or even my own health. While my peers experimented with make-up, skincare and fashion, I escaped into the world of books and arts. A glamour puss I was not and a glamour middle aged puss I shall not be. However, taking care of my busy body is something new that I have to do.

Like an annoying busybody, this busy body of mine needs extra work and is taking up time. A matter of minutes is time too. Shower time has to be extended, for the new facial essence the face needs, the new body scrub and lotion to firm up the tummy, arms and thighs, and of course that new hair tonic to revitalize the crown of glory.

This morning, after I'd long left the house, I suddenly realised that I'd forgotten to use the hair tonic. Silly careless me. So, do I have to take gingko nut supplement to boost my memory now? Nay, that's not going to work, the last time I bought gingko nut supplement, I totally forgot about it and it expired!

My dear busy body,
You and I, we came into being together and together we shall be till I part from this world. I can never restore you to your prime but I'll try my best to let both of us have as much dignity as we journey the rest of our days. Deal?

That Very Difficult Friend

You know she will be arriving but not exactly when. You count the days and when there's no hint of her arrival, you get a bit anxious and even stressed. To be on the safe side, you would even prepare the ground. When she's fashionably late like a Hollywood diva, your anxiety turns into pain...great physical pain!

And if you suffer from chronic endometriosis like me, you would know the agonies and sufferings that her arrival brings. Yes, it's THAT friend, that very difficult friend, called Period, aka Menses.

In my case, she also likes to be rather fickle with her date of arrival, much like the unreliable flight schedules of some budget airlines. You arrive at the airport, all ready for departure, and what greets you is the signboard that says "Flight Delayed".

Yet, she is the one friend who marks your womanhood so indelibly, whose advent also qualifies you for motherhood. 

For the first seven or eight years of my marriage, I tried hard to understand her schedules, in numerous attempts to conceive. Then, each of her arrivals came with disappointments, frustrations and even exasperations.

Fast forward some years, after 14 years of marriage, husband and I are comfortably settled down in our childless status. Though we sometimes think it would be nice to have children, the thought also strikes fear into us. 

Just imagine, mugging with my children for PSLE in my fifties, doing 'O' Levels with them in sixties, and by the time they graduate from the university, I would have enough grey hair to be mistaken as the grandmother!

That much said, back to that difficult friend. These days, her delay brings anxiety, and further delay brings great fear, yes, fear of pregnancy!

Right now, she arrives,19 days late! One more day and I would have bought that clearblue again!

As a long-term sufferer of chronic endometriosis, I've built up an arsenal to combat against the pains and agonies. Having gone through at least 3 surgical procedures to treat the endometriosis over the last 14 years, I don't want scopes and tubes poking inside me again. So, I try hard to alleviate the pains by using the following:

1. Oil of Evening Primrose (good for PMS)
2. Ginger Tea, (good to put in a thermos flask, and take along when you go to work)
3. Brandy (warms up the tummy, and perhaps the alcohol makes you forget the pain too!)
4. Red Dates Tea (drinking some in between periods helps to alleviate the cramps when the period starts)
5. Cinnamon Tea (yes, it's now my spice of the month, helps relieve cramps)
6. Traditional Chinese Medicine (see the physician for the personally prescribed medicine)
7. Prescription Painkillers (In my case, it's Ponstan aka mefenamic acid)

For many years, I relied on prescription painkillers every time the period comes, just so that I could get out of bed and stop rolling in pain for the first two days. Usually, I would have to take time off from work for at least a day. 

Nowadays, I try anything and everything from no. 1 to no. 6. Whenever I make it through a period without no. 7, I consider it a personal victory! :)

My dear difficult friend, I do treasure you as a symbol of my womanhood, I just wish that your visits can be less painful and less stressful.  

Note: Cutting back on coffee for the first few days of the period also makes a significant improvement for me. Seems like caffeine causes the cramps to hurt more.

Spicing Up My Life

Setting and settling into new routines are challenging. And especially so for a middle aged girl.

It's not just a matter of willpower, perseverance, determination and commitments. As a married woman with not-so-normal working hours, trying to sustain anything new is more than demanding. (In fact, I blame my working hours for all that extra pounds)

Of course, I have to admit that it will be a lot harder if I have children running around. 

I could only manage to make the apple and cinnamon drink for two consecutive days and did workouts for three days in a row. Doing the workouts made me feel good, not only because the body got its much-needed stretching but also the mind could see its plans are being put into motion, thus relieving the guilt burden from the heart.

Without a "personal trainer" or "cheerleader" and only this blog to act as a constant reminder, I feel the need to do something everyday that will help me work towards my weight loss objective, while still keeping in mind the First Commandment of Weight Loss.

And so, I improvised! Out went the pepper and in went the cinnamon! Straight onto that slice of ham that I put in my sandwich, made up of wholemeal bread, buttercup lettuces, red capsicum and Japanese cucumber. 

I had that for breakfast. I felt so good that I made the same thing again for dinner. 

Dash, dash, in goes the cinnamon, and all its natural goodness and power of increasing metabolism.

Sorry pepper, I like you, but in a crisis, we need to take serious actions. And I most probably would have to repeat this strategy several times again, hope you understand.

Note: Heard that red capsicum is also good for increasing metabolism and burning calories, without increasing heart rate and blood pressure. That's why I had chosen the passionate red fiery ones!

The First Commandment of Weight Loss

Spurned by the beautiful dresses at the boutiques, with my heart still scarred by my own reflection in the dressing rooms, once again, I embark on the fight against flab. 

For the glory of health, and the health of my self-esteem! May God help me!

And yes, indeed, on reflection, God has helped me and given me lots of gifts to help me win this war. Gifts that I had neglected and cast aside. My yoga mat (actually there were two, husband couldn't remember where he kept the first one, and in the end I bought a second one that was used perhaps... twice?), weights, slimming belt, running shoes... and an aerobics class membership that has expired long ago. Not forgetting, the beautiful park just behind my flat. 

View of park behind my flat, shot taken from kitchen window.

Middle Age Wisdom spoke to me and said, "Thou shalt not procure any products, machines, gadgets, devices in the name of weight loss!"

Indeed, come to think of it, there was even a cross training exercise machine that I left at my mother's house and eventually ended up permanently at a relative's house. 

Much resources had been invested over the years, though in the past, it was more for the sake of keeping fit than keeping trim.

Thus, I decided to cast in stone, my First Commandment of Weight Loss as spoken by Middle Age Wisdom:

Thou shalt not procure any products, machines, gadgets, devices in the name of weight loss

And so, I am going to rely on my yoga mat, weights and the folks at online fitness videos to be my personal trainers at no charge. So far, in the last three days, I've done three workouts, starting with the least demanding ones. Perhaps, by starting this blog and telling the world, I might somehow persist long enough to produce some results!

Oh yes, there's also this tasty apple slices and cinnamon drink that might hopefully be a sweet and possibly trusty aide in my quest. Not sure how true the Internet stories and testimonies are but well, since apple and cinnamon are stuff that we can put into our bodies, I reckon they are more reliable than diet teas and formulas for weight loss.

Let's toast with a water tumbler of apple cinnamon water, saying cheers to hope for a trimmer Middle Aged Girl!

The Undesired Upgrading of... Dress Sizes

Today is a sad day.
Four dresses, size M. 
None fitted.
Two decades ago, I was a size XS. 
Up till a decade ago, I was a size S.
Now I can't even wear M.

It's not ok. Not for me. For most of my life, I was told that I was petite, especially since I stand at only 156cm, now I face a real wardrobe crisis. 

I can't even give the typical middle age excuse that I had ballooned up after pregnancy and childbirth and somehow the extra pounds couldn't go away. I've only been pregnant once, 12 years ago, and the pregnancy miscarried at 11 weeks. Sigh... I suppose if I had children and were kept busy chasing after them, I would probably have been in better shape.

I had tried comforting myself that well, at least I'm only facing this weight problem now. Some poor girls suffer it in their youthful days, marring their self-esteem and self-image in what are supposedly carefree days.

But, a wardrobe crisis is a crisis.

Time to take out the yoga mat, running shoes? Turn to the charming folks at the free online fitness websites? Can I make it enough to document Before and After pictures? What if the After pictures never come? I can't even pass off old photos as After pics, because gravity has impacted everywhere and the face is good testament to its powers.

Let me try to self hypnotize...

Dear Middle Aged Girl,
Technically, your ever expanding waistline shows how little you care for your body, which technically is the temple of God. Thus, technically, you are failing in your stewardship of the gift from God. So, technically, you better do something!

Hmm... is that pseudo spiritual lecturing enough to whip me into action? Or have I just produced some good lines for New Age Cultic Christian Churches? Hey this particular church can even have a weight loss business on the side. Ha! Oops, did I just use God's name in vain? Sorry God, well, if I did, You know I don't mean to, right?

Okok, let's be serious, won't be funny if my BMI goes into the overweight and obese categories, it's already close to leaving the healthy range. Okok, gonna make an effort to see and act on those online fitness videos  and use the yoga mat more often. Must try! No, not try, must do it!

Ok, now, where did I hear about that apple slices and cinnamon drink recipe that can help weight loss and increase metabolism? Time to check out my best friend, Google again.